If Daddy came back to visit me and 2020

     "So people pay...FOR WATER?" (Which would be followed by "if you put a $1.25 in that machine for a bottle of water we're going to have a talk.")

     "So essentially if you BREATHE near a quarterback it's 'roughing the passer' now?"

     "Seriously?  The Braves WON a World Series and the Falcons WENT to 2 SUPER BOWLS?"

     "Tech won a National Championship in 1990?" 

     "You're paying someone to change your oil?   WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??"  (After an explanation that vehicles are a bit more complicated now and have computers and you can really screw up stuff by working on them yourself - "Well then I'd walk wherever I had to go.  NOT paying people to work on my cars.")

     "Gas costs WHAT a gallon??  Well then I'd walk wherever I had to go"

     "Central air-conditioning?  Did you find a gold mine on your property?  Buy an attic fan, open the windows and turn off the a.c."

     "I'm right proud of the woman you married. She's a good girl.  But, seriously....YOU do the dishes AND COOK sometimes?  We're going to have a talk."

     "Pandemic or not, I'm siting on the left side, third row of that sanctuary come Sunday morning if I'm alone and have to preach to myself."

     "So you're telling me this pickup truck we're riding cost more than the house you grew up in??  Turn off the A.C. and roll down the windows!  I'm freezing! And why in the world does the radio keep saying 'subscription updated.'  You PAY for radio???"

     "I guess if you insist on making the gas companies rich don't wait on some little bell to tell you when you need gas.  It hits half a tank you go to the gas station and fill it up...after you go to the bank and take out a loan!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

     "They just let that person use that word?  ON THE NEWS?"

     "YOU HAVE HOW MANY CHANNELS ON THIS TV?  AND HOW MANY DO YOU ACTUALLY WATCH?  UNPLUG THAT THING AND GO BUY SOME RABBIT EARS."  (this could be the only argument I MIGHT win by explaining that with that many channels you can get up on Saturday mornings in the fall and watch college football games until the wee hours of Sunday morning.)

     "NO! There's only one Varsity.  And this ain't it and I ain't going in...but if you are bring me a chili dog."

     "This chili dog ain't nowhere near as good as the ones at the real Varsity."

     "This is not a grocery store.  It's a small town.  I bet they got their own zip code.  And why is that woman letting her young 'un climb those shelves?  If she won't jerk a knot in him I will! 
And what is that...a...a...PHONE in her hand?   I don't like talking on the one at the house! Not taking one to the store with me!  How much you pay for that?"

     (Still at the grocery store) "That woman on the cereal aisle is talking to herself" 
Me - "Daddy, she's got a bluetooth."
Daddy - "well she oughta get a crown..it's obviously making her nuts."

     "Red Man chewing tobacco is offensive?  To who?  I'm the one chewing it and not hurtin' a soul!"

     (Speaking of phones)  "So you just took a phone out of your pocket and paid your light bill.  Well isn't that fancy DICK TRACY?!!  How much do you pay for that?"

     "So you take your kids to all these different places where they can play with other kids?  Our kids always had a place to play with other kids.  IT WAS CALLED THE BACKYARD!!!!!!!!"

     "The dog spends all his time in the house and sleeps in here, too?  Well that's a good thing."  (animals - his Achilles Heel.) 

    "So you're a man. A pretty good one I reckon. You married a good girl, you got a good home and a good dog.  I'm right proud..............I'm not used to men talking to each other this way.  I'll shake your hand if that's ok."