Yep, when all of this ugliness is gone I'm gonna' buy a suit and get a tattoo. Yes, I know, those are strangely contradictory notions. But I've always wanted a "Buzz" tattoo and I'm tired of looking like Norm Peterson when I put on a suit.
I put on an expensive suit and a nice tie and I look in the mirror and the reflection screams "lipstick on a pig." I definitely look like I need to saddle up to the corner of the bar and take a cold draft from Sam and tell Cliff Clavin what a moron he is. People who know me well will be shocked that I'm worried about such things. They know me as more of a flip-flops and old Buffett t-shirt kind of a guy. And, for the most part, that's my attire of choice. But when the time comes and it's all about the suit, I'm tired of looking like I slept in the thing. My dear friend Jim - now HE looks good in a suit. When I go buy that first suit I'm taking Jim with me to pick one out. And then I'm slipping back into my flip-flops and t-shirt and we're going somewhere and drinking tequila and chasing it with strawberries (don't ask....not one of our prouder moments. 'BIG FELLA!!!!!!!!!!!' )
I have to wait on the tattoo because, if I get one before surgery and then lose all that weight, the tattoo will look something like a turkey's neck and flap in the breeze every time I hang my arm out the window. So I'm getting one on the bicep and it'll be more pronounced after I'm all buff. I'm gonna' wear a muscle shirt to biker bars and scare people. That's just how I roll. (quit laughing...no really - quit laughing!!!!!!!!!)