Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Now it's reality

For, quite literally, years the notion of this surgery has been a very abstract thing. There's been years of wishing, thinking, planning, excitement, disappointment, fear, praying and dreaming. I've been a child again staring at a shiny bike in the Sears catalog and lying awake at night wondering what it would look like in my driveway. The two week liquid diet that is required for this surgery has begun. So it's real. It's happening. I have to admit - I'm nervous.
No, I haven't changed my mind. I want this more than anything. But now we're down to brass tacks. Now we're down to discussing things like pain management, complications and supplements (the improper use of which can lead to malnutrition.) I've had surgeries before. But nothing like this. Nothing like a surgeon going in and reconstructing my internal organs. I've read everything I can find and talked to all the bariatric patients I can find. Between them all I've found not one definitive answer to this question - when we're talking "pain management" how much pain are we discussing?
I'll make one more analogy that's almost a cliche - I'm a kid again bragging about jumping off the high dive when I go to the pool. Now I'm standing on the high dive with a bunch of folks waiting on me to jump. It's a lot higher than I thought it was....

3 comments:

Melinda Sileo said...

But it will be worth it and not as scary as you thought once you take the plunge. I know how you feel though. The hysterectomy that I begged for due to the intense physical pain I was enduring was like that. They set the date for it and I was ecstatic - until a week before and then I was terrified - was I making the right decision? It was the best decision I've ever made for my health and this will be the same for you.
Love, your sister

Elisabeth7291 said...

We wish you the best & know you're going to do great. . . I've resisted telling you about the bariatric surgery I scrubbed in on once - we'll have that conversation afterward! I'm sorry we aren't going to be here for it, but we'll be in touch when we get back! We're thinking & praying for you! Much love - B&S

Chris said...

Everything worth doing in this life is scary. Few of us have any concept of how much courage it has taken over the years for you to face strangers who could not see beyond your physical presence to see the delightful person that you are. Draw upon that courage to face the challenges that the coming surgery presents. Even after the pain has been managed, the complications have been simplified, and the supplements have been taken, there will be hurdles that you never dreamed of. Remember who you are--a charming, kind, intelligent, witty Southern gentleman--because that is who those who love you have always seen and will continue to see when you are physically a figment of your former self. This surgery is a means to an end: better health and a long life as a loving family man and an ardent Yellow Jacket fan. I, along with many others, am in the stadium cheering you on!
Yeehaw!
Chris