Monday, June 2, 2008

It's not about pity...

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. This is 80% my fault. I say 80% because I'm quite certain that (at least) 20% of it is genetics. I overate. I over-did a lot of things, but that's another story for another day (suffice it to say that there were portions of my life where a majority of my caloric intake consisted of liquid carbs.) So no, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. But I would like for folks to be able to see some of what I've been able to see while living like this. It'd change your view on lots of things, not just weight control or eating right.
The most important lesson I'll take away from life as a large person was best described by C S Lewis. He said "We're not bodies who have souls...we're souls who have bodies." Not to repeat myself, but I'm not defined by my weight. Anymore so than some of the folks I see touted as "pretty people" - celebrities, models, actors etc... - should be defined by their appearance (that said, if a genie popped out of a bottle and said I had three wishes, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if he could make me look a little more like George Clooney and a little less like Jonathan Winters. The other two wishes would involve bad things befalling the University of Georgia's football team,,,but I digress.)
Did you see the woman on the news last week who had lived her life in an iron lung (I didn't know there really was such a thing?) Did you read the list of all that she'd accomplished while living this way? Have you seen Oscar Pistorious, the South African paralympic athlete? They're just a couple of the countless people who have refused to let their bodies define their souls. Here's the difference between them and me - neither of them did anything to cause their limitations nor could they change them. My lifestyle has caused mine. If they can find courage to live life in spite of the hand they're dealt, then surely I can overcome a hand I've dealt myself.
My soul literally thirsts for things my body will no longer allow. I spent a lot of time in my youth camping and hiking. I long for the day when I can climb a mountain, spend a night on top and walk back down in the morning. I desperately want to go to a baseball game, but I can't fit in the sits. I'd like to go to a hockey game with some friends and misbehave and yell rude things to the refs and bang on the glass like a moron. Again, the seats prevent it. I'd like to stand up in front of a group of people, as I've done many times in the past, and tell them a joke or two or play my guitar and sing some silly song I've written. But more than "physical" things I can't wait to look into the face of people and know that they're accepting me on terms that go beyond how big I am. That's gonna be fun......

1 comment:

Elisabeth7291 said...

wow, T, reaching deep. I really admire your courage. . .